Family

What family means to me continues to evolve as my life progresses. Of course, when I was younger, I knew family as those who I live with who share the same blood as me. But as I have grown and experienced relationships with people and felt love in multiple directions, I have realized that family is more a connection of those who truly love each other. Although the blood may not be consistent throughout these members, why does that have to be the deciding factor in who you label as a family member? Family has become a means of having each others backs, being able to be yourself, trusting, and enjoying being in the presence of each individual who shines these characteristics. I feel this "definition" came to me because there are some of my blood relatives who have failed to show love, kindness, and compassion and as a result I find myself losing respect. My life has transformed in a way that does not follow the cookie cutter US family. Divorces happen, gay relationships are real and to be respected as well as accepted, and multiracial marriages cannot and should not be restricted. Relationships involving love and family should in no way be interrupted by law or norms. The picture below shows some of my family! Five of the people are of blood relation, the other four are people who continuously show all the characteristics of what, for me, constitutes a family member.

There are, of course, some issues that are considered "sticky" when it comes to families. In particular, one topic I cannot directly speak from my heart about, but know a couple who have experienced some life long difficulties: a gay couple struggling to gain acceptance by one of the partner's family who lives in India. The story and heartbreak that it brings this couple makes me wish there was a world who understood that love is love. Partners of almost 15 years still remain in silence of their love for each other in fear of being rejected by fellow family members. No matter what sex, race, age... If the feeling is there, why can anyone make a judgement call or place an opinion on such a personal and intimate topic? It is a complex and dispiriting topic.

Impressions

Impression management, though I am new this terminology, has always been an intriguing aspect of human behavior that I often tune into. Observing the way that someone changes in the presence of a particular person or situation often makes me wonder if the people I am in everyday contact with are putting on, so to speak, a display to appear a certain way for my approval. I feel that there are certain situations in which impression management is necessary, such as, a job interview or meeting a boyfriend or girlfriend's parents. These situations in particular one would want to eliminate poor behavior not to necessarily gain approval moreover to display their best qualities.


Personally, I think there is a difference in those who use impression management to gain approval of a group of friends or at a party. This seems to be changing or conforming to ones standards in order to fit in. When someone is acting on their best behavior to please another (job interview example) they are still true to themselves, just shining their most favorable traits. Whereas, when someone is meeting a group of people trying to fit in, their impression management may not be true to themselves but rather an act of conformity to blend to the characteristics of that particular group. This type of impression management is what I enjoy being a witness of. I feel it does nothing gain temporary approval that is set up for future failure. If someone is putting on a show to gain approval, they are not giving a taste of their true self, as time goes by, unless they continue the display for continuous validation, their inner self must come through and then what happens? Maybe this never comes full circle, but does that mean that conformity had played such a huge role that ones personality had been molded to what the group originally desired from him or her? It's an interesting cycle and I think about it often. I have had many falling outs with past friends and sometimes I feel I can attribute this to impression management. I believed they were someone that they did not turn out to be. Impression management impairs one ability to read true character... At least this has proved to be true to my life experiences.

There are not only times in which I have observed people using impression management but there are also many times that I recognize these behaviors in myself. One situation that I can think of in particular is my job. I nanny for multiple families around the neighborhood in which I live. It is always an exciting moment when I get a call from a new parent interested in me caring for their child/children. More often than not, the family wishes I meet the children and get a tour of the house prior to the nannying times they need. In the first couple years of this routine, I would be nervous at this point! I thought a lot about what I want to wear, how I want to appear physically. I didn't want to wear jeans with holes in them or low cut shirts... I suppose, thinking back on it, I tried to create an image of a mom or stereotypical neighbor-girl babysitter. As a few years have passed and I still work as a nanny, I suppose I have gained some confidence in my position and no longer feel the need to express myself any differently than I am naturally... my real self. I before felt as if I had to work to fit the role in all aspects of a nanny, now I am that role with no strain or effort.

Nature vs. Nurture

I have taken two psychology courses that have briefly touched upon the Nature vs. Nurture debate, and each time I have learned some about the topic I have been left with questions and, I guess you could say, food for thought. I am glad that it has again came up in this course so I can thoroughly understand the logistics of this debate that has been controversial for centuries. I find it fascinating to study the theories of human development, for we are such complex beings.

When speaking in terms of nature and nurture, nature refers to the idea that we are who we are based off our genetics. Nurture, on the opposing end, refers to the idea that we are who we are because of the way to grow up and our environmental factors. 

By adopting the idea that we are who we are based off genetics, we are, as the book describes it, "the predetermined product of our genes and biochemistry." Personally, I have a difficult time digesting the notion that we are destine to mature and evolve into exactly what our genes and DNA codes for. It is, however, undeniable that genetics has an immense influence on who we are. It commonly known that parents pass on traits such as hair type, eye color, height, etc. to their offspring. The Nature argument includes these known facts but takes a step further in declaring that our genetics determine other traits such as personality and intelligence. There is no way to prove this to be exactly true, however, scientists have studied behavior in fraternal and identical twins raised together and also raised separately. Seeing similarities in their behaviors when raised separately implies that despite their differences in their environments in which they grew up, they still have similar qualities that must be attributed to their genes. This serves as an interesting study, however, I have had the experience of getting to know identical twins who displayed differences in interests, behaviors, and personality. These two girls were a year older than me, I was never super close with either of them but had the opportunity to get to know them both, separately, in different situations. One of the twins I was in an art class with. I enjoyed her presence in the class, her soft laugh and thoughtful input on my artworks. Her sister, on the other hand, I had gotten to know because our nightlife would often line-up. She acted completely different, loud laugh and striving to be the center of attention. It was always so intriguing to me, as a bystander, to analyze their behaviors and wonder how they became so different. Their case, in particular, proves to me that their environment and external factors have molded them into the people that they are today; separate dreams, personalities, habits, and interests.


In contrast, if Nurture exists as the theory of human development this implies, as the book explains, that we are born and "created from scratch by the people and the social institutions that surround us." Although this statement may strike some as extreme, there are many instances in which it is easy to declare that environment plays a crucial role in our development. For instance, I have experienced the impact of ones physical environment (location, demographics, and schooling) on their personality and daily behaviors.

 I have lived in Minneapolis since I was 2. My two girl cousins (one my age, other two years younger) grew up in Plymouth (a suburb of Minnesota) their whole lives. Growing up in Minneapolis I was exposed to city life, diversity, crime, art, etc. There were countless nights when I would have my cousins attempt a sleepover at my home in Minneapolis where their fear of the city would get the best of them. Their environment in which they grew up had and still has an impact on their behaviors even now as grown adults. There is no doubt about the fact that the nurture of a child plays a key role in the development of their personality and other aspects that define who they are. A child who is sheltered and does not become exposed to the world for what it is, rather, a select section of it in which ones parents determine-will grow up to have varying traits in personality than a child who is encouraged to experience the world in all aspects, regardless if situations are scary or dangerous.

The fact that each side of the argument (Nature or Nurture) has its faults, or exceptions to the rules, makes it clear to me that there must be a medium. Human life and development, as I stated before, is so complex... it only seems makes sense that there are factors of both nature and nurture that contribute to our growth and maturation.

This is my understanding of this continuous debate thus far in my studying and contemplation, feel free to add your opinion or thoughts!